Pause and Reflect…
As I sit here reflecting on yesterday’s post. I am reminded how far I have come from the broken person that I was prior to Counseling for my childhood abuse and Al-anon for dealing with the alcoholics in my life. I had a father who was alcoholic, a mother who was addicted to Valium, and married an alcoholic. Added to that list was also a step-son and step-daughter who were 7 and 8 when we married and they lived with us and in their teens both started abusing drugs and alcohol. My ex and my two step-children all are still drinking and the two step-children still use drugs. But by the grace of God go I and my daughter. Neither of us drinks except on rare occasions.
I talked about not living with regrets and my favorite reminder from Al-anon from “Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for 12 hours that would appall me if I felt had to keep it up for a lifetime.” I also talked about one of my favorite verses in the Bible, Psalm 51:1-2 and that is so important to me because with that verse, I was able to recognize that God forgave me of any sin once it was confessed and I repented (which means to turn away from).
Question Day 16: What is one thing I could do for a family member today as a special surprise?
Reflecting on Surprises…
I don’t do surprises very well. I think it is because I lived so much with the unknown as a child, I always dreaded surprises because they were usually bad. I’m from the “Have Your Ducks All In A Row” Club and that means I have to predict the outcome of everything. I admit that I participate in that club less often now, but I haven’t given it up completely. For me, predictability is safety and it is hard to give up completely because I still feel unsafe at times. I’m not unsafe in my physical environment. It is my mind’s unpredictability that I speak of. I still stay vigilent so that my mind doesn’t wander into unsafe territory like depression, panic, suicidal ideas. I haven’t had those problems for years, but they are part of my history and I like to be prepared…like the Boyscouts or is it the Girlscouts say. I think it is the Boyscouts. I am rambling, aren’t I? That is what I do to avoid talking about something. I ramble on and on about other trivial matters.
Reflecting on Love…
I do handle love well, though. If I were to surprise someone today, it would be my daughter and son-in-law. I love them both very, very, very much. They are both dealing with some tough issues right now related to my daughter’s health and the stress for both of them. Since this is a holiday weekend, I will probably surprise them with giving them the night out while I watch my grandchildren. Not much of a surprise, is it? That is all I can come up with. Money has been tight for them with my daughter not able to work right now, so I will offer to pay for their night out too. Money if tight for me too after my medication fiasco and the cost from my insurance company but I can afford dinner and a movie for them.
One of the verses about love in the Psalms says,
David’s love for God is so evident in his prayer. He wants to please the Lord and he thinks about him through the meditation of his heart. We are called to love God and others through the scriptures.
I will surprise those I love with my whole heart today, even if I don’t like surprises. I do this because “the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart” wants to be “pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” as it says in Psalm 19;14.