30 Days of Reflection-Day 2 Time Stands Still

Reflection on the day…

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Yesterday was a quiet day for me. I have been alone with just my dog, Guinness, and my two cats, Cleo and Elvis Catstello, because the rest of my family traveled out of town on Thursday. I chose to stay home and care for my pets. One thing I have reflected on was how quiet the house is without my daughter, son-in-law, and my two grandchildren. Quiet can be deafening when you are used to two grandchildren, ages 3 and 6. It will be nice to have some noise back in my life later today when they return home.

Now on to my reflection on today’s question. 

Day 2 Question:

If time froze for everyone but me for one hour what would I do with it?

As I reflect on this question, I realize that there can be three answers to it. One answer is to say what you want to hear from me which presumes that I can read your minds, predict the future result. This is the “people pleaser” in me. The second answer is to say what “I” want to hear, that is the “perfectionist” in me wants to hear. That presumes I am perfect and, therefore my answer must be perfect. The third answer is what I am actually thinking and includes honesty with myself. This answer is somewhere in between the people pleaser and the perfectionist. I don’t know if you struggle with this type of problem or if it is unique to me because of my past diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID or Multiple Personality Disorder-AKA “Sybil” or lay term). Maybe one of you could comment and enlighten me.

Now, that I have procrastinated for 45 minutes, I answer the third way which is with honesty with myself and with you. What would I really do with an hour just to myself with everything else frozen in time. Analytically, it would have to be a solitary activity since everyone else is frozen in time. “Okay, Susan  out of your head and into your heart and soul,” I say to myself.

I could watch TV, but it would have to be recorded as everyone live is frozen. Still in my head. I wish that I could take a long walk, but that is wishful thinking because with my arthritis I can’t walk very far (end of the driveway) without experiencing too much pain to continue. I could catch up on an hour of reading my book, but I do that even when everyone is not frozen in time. I could meditate, but honestly, I max out at about 20-30 minutes…again because of my arthritic pain. I could pray, listen to some music, read my Bible all in combination. Multitasking with God, I call it.

Okay. Closer to my heart and inner soul. As I think about praying, listening to music and reading my Bible, I realize that is what I would do. I would spend time listening to the music like what I am listening to now, Karen Drucker’s album, “Songs of the Spirit II” or maybe music from “The Secret Garden” soundtrack…and as I listen, I read Psalms, just a few verses while I listen to my inner voice telling me  what the verses are saying to me in my inner soul. And last, when I feel ready to speak with God, I do so in prayer, thanking Him for what he is doing in my life and asking his protection for me, my family, and last asking for him to guide my footsteps daily. My hour is up. Back to life in the present. 

What lesson did I learn? I learned that it is lonely when you are totally by yourself with very little to distract you. I also learned that what I chose to do…listening to music, reading Psalms, and praying…I can do these things when I choose to do them whether the rest of the world is frozen in time or not.

 

Goodnight and God Bless,

Susan…