Child’s Loss of Innocence

31 JULY 2015 PUBLISHED JULY 29, 2015 BY ROCHELLEWISOFF


 

Genre: Poetry

Word Count: 100

Child’s Loss of Innocence

The child’s loss of innocence,

delivered by collections of

rocks and bottles tossed away.

The choice to let go is not simple.

Letting go of flashback abuse

along with imaginary retreats

mixing bad with good together

in a cauldron of porridge.

Sparkling bottles in the sunlight

shining in multicolored arrays of light.

River rocks glistening like jewels

with ruby colors, golden lights,

silver glitter, and black onyx shine

with fond memories of happiness.

Child’s loss of innocence embedded

with beloved, sad memories

of child’s retreat to safe harbour

freely letting go of abuse…

…finally the manifestation

of fond memories alone…

© Susan Langer

Memories of childhood sexual abuse mixed with fond memories of childhood.

All Poetry Poem prompt “Letting Go”

LossLetting goSadnessMemories

 

30 Day Attitude of Gratitude Challenge Day 11

First…. 

 Tonight’s quote is actually a Bible verse that kept running through my mind today. It is a verse that I clung to as I dealt with my child sexual abuse. The verse helped me to understand that God was there for me when no one else was.

The Quote…

The quote I chose this evening is:

Psalm 27:10

“My mother and father have walked out and left me, but God took me in.”
(The Message version)

“When my mother and father forsake me, the Lord will take care of me.” – (New King James V.)

Lessons…

As a child being sexually abused, I felt alone, isolated, unloved, and abandoned by both my mother and father. I felt this way about my father because he was the abuser, the perpetrator of the sexual abuse. I felt this way about my mother because she did not rescue me or protect me from the abuse. There really are not words that can adequately describe what I felt at this time although I try to express it in my poem, “Child Soul.” But even in the situation, God provided for me through my imaginary escape and dissociation during the abuse.

“I can remember being up in the corner of the room while the little girl was being hurt by her father. I would turn away and play the piano when it got bad.”…from my journaling during therapy 1985.

Please read my poem and then I will discuss the “gratitude” portion of the poem and where I was coming from.

Child Soul


Do I martyr myself before the universe
when I bare the pain of my child soul?

Or am I rightly so, a martyr that purges
my demons by writing prose or poetry?

To write cathartic words of gnawing pain
resulting from my agonizing child life…

…puts to death the abuser’s lifeline and
purges my child soul’s heart memories.

As a child filled with empty nonexistence
finding solace in imaginary love and care…

so was the annihilation of my child’s inner
beingness, replaced by vacancy within me…

I sought living beings to protect and care by
becoming a “Pied Piper” of stray animals.

Within the confines of my soul’s imagination
I became a keeper, caregiver, lover of the lost.

Life repeats itself and my adult soulness
recreates images with lost soul beings.

Coming full circle from lost child soul to
lover of the various soul’s of lost identity…

I arrive at my inner soul’s destination with
post-martyrdom purpose and calling for life.

Poem about abused childhood-prompt “martyr”

As “Child Soul” says in the last two stanzas of the poem, 

Coming full circle from lost child soul to
lover of the various soul’s of lost identity…

I arrive at my inner soul’s destination with
post-martyrdom purpose and calling for life.

I am reminded by God that he did not forsake me or abandon me. In fact, through his grace and provision, I found my calling as a rescuer, nurse, writer, poet and supporter of mental health awareness. And yes, I still rescue animals. I have two cats, Cleo and Elvis, and a dog, Guinness, who are all rescues. But I am not sure who rescued whom because it seems that they rescue me as much as I rescue them. So my life’s passion of writing and rescue continue daily for me.

How about you? Have you found that you were rescued during times in your life? Did God intervene and provide love and reassurance that He was there for you? There is nothing like His rescue.

Gratitude List…

  1. The God’s provision for me during my sexual abuse and child abuse.
  2. God being my “father and mother” from childhood until now.
  3. The Psalms in the Bible that provide comfort and reassurance of God’s presence in my life.
  4. My calling in rescue and providing care, comfort, support to those lost, injured, sick.
  5. That my calling is also my life passion.

Good night,

Susan…