Surviving Abuse Poetry

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Today, I share some surviving abuse poetry that I have written during the last month. Some are sad, lonely and others speak of childhood retreats and changes as I dealt with my childhood sexual abuse. Childhood sexual abuse is something that changes the very fiber of your inner soul. However, through counseling and support you can recover. and live a productive life with only fleeting memories of what happened. If you need help or support dealing with childhood sexual abuse here are some links that you can check out.

RAINN Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network

isurvive.org

Free Book, Beyond Surviving Guide

Child Abuse Survivor on Facebook


A Child Abandoned

a child abandoned by love
a child abandoned by care
a child abandoned by safety
a child abandoned by self

a child deserted by adults
responsible to love, care
a child left alone and lonely
with a childhood full of fear

a fearful child at five
a reclusive child at eight
an alienated child at ten
child’s memories forgotten

loneliness of teenhood years
fearfulness of intimacy, love
untrusting and painful shyness
deep shame and self-hating

suicidal during adulthood
depression, anxiety, panic
self-medicating with food
fear and avoidance of others.

therapy restores loving care
therapy teaches reparenting
therapy teaches about safety
therapy teaches about self-love

now fearlessness and strength
replace fear of abandonment
now self-love replaces self-hate
now belongingness replaces…

alienation with connectedness

 

Night’s Lonely Sunset

Little child seems so sad, alone

witnessing the night’s sunset?

Crying real tears, she looks down.

What secrets hide in her soul?

Can soul tell of the loneliness?

Each night as I sit alone

witnessing the sunset,

I witness sunset’s beauty,

feeling lonely, crying real tears.

In my own soul all I find…

leads to more loneliness.

What can be done to end

the sadness…the loneliness?

Desperation cries out

to all who are sad, alone

experiencing life’s yearning

for intercession from the gods

to diminish their sad loneliness

while night’s beautiful sun sets.

© Susan Langer,18 days ago

SadLonely

My Secret Garden

My secret garden was much like yours.
I escaped daily to my garden alone;
dreaming dreams and wishing wishes.
But your’s was real, mine was fantasy.

Even on your darkest day, you escaped
leaving the pain behind, finding your joy.
My pain remained even in my secret place.
Pain embedded upon my inner soul forever.

Choices that you had were clear…stay, go.
My choices vague, boundariless, unsafe.
If fantasy remained my reality, I was lost.
If reality remained ever present, I was lost.

My secret garden was beautiful though lonely.
My hiding place safer but alone, isolated.
Your’s full of beauty, growth, friendships.
Your’s with merriment, laughter, life.

When you returned were you lonely?
When you closed the door were you sad?
I was…I was…I was…lonely…lonely…lonely…
I was…I was…I was…sad…sad…sad…

Do you have fond memories of that time?
Do you recall with fondness those times?
I don’t…I don’t…I don’t…I don’t…I don’t…
Yet, my secret garden allowed for survival.

Metamorphosis

Butterflies bespeak change;
growth within and without.
The butterfly evolves from
seed to cocoon to beauty
with grace and awakening;
adapting to adversity and
ever changing perspective.

Our perception is one of
finiteness and futility of
causes and changes within
entrenched stubbornness
of mind and matter while
seeking acceptance of our
futile sameness without.

But change we must and
grow we will as we begin
our search for inner peace.
Understanding within that
we become who we are by
knowing our inner self.
Change begets growth.

So, as the butterfly begets
growth and metamorphosis
to inner and outer beauty,
do we exchange our futility
for hope while beholding
our inner and outer beauty.
We become the butterfly.


 

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30 Day Attitude of Gratitude Challenge Day 7

First….

  I was searching for a quote on patience this evening and found one that I really liked. The quote is from David G. Allen, an author of several books. He was born in Palmer, Alaska and his genre is Contemporary Science fiction, Action, Espionage, Christian fiction, and Fantasy with a Psychological edge. He published his most recent book in 2014, titled, Pool of Echoes and it is available on Amazon. I was unfamiliar with this author but checked out his website at http://www.authordavid.com and read the 1st chapter of his novella, Dive, part of his book and he sounds very interesting. 
Susan…

The Quote…

The quote I chose this evening is:

“Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in mind.”

Lessons…

The quote has 2 parts to it and is simple to read but more difficult to follow. The first part of the quote to look at is the words “calm acceptance.” This speaks to being calm and according to Merriam-Webster Dictionary is “a quiet and peaceful state or condition; a peaceful mental or emotional state.” We are at our calmest when we are centered, inner-soul centered. Then, there is the word, “acceptance” defined by spiritual teacher, counselor, author, Eckhart Tolle as:

E. Tolle (Power of Now, etc.) defines acceptance as a “this is it” response to anything occurring in any moment of life. There, strength, peace and serenity are available when one stops struggling to resist, or hang on tightly to what is so in any given moment.

So it is with calm acceptance, peaceful and “this is it” response that we define patience. I first learned of calm acceptance in Al-anon while seeking help for dealing with my ex-husband’s alcoholism. Al-non told me about the Serenity Prayer and the part about “accept the things I can not change…” and realized that I was there for me not for my ex. I needed to accept that I couldn’t stop his drinking. With that acceptance, came peace of mind. His drinking wasn’t my problem but his. My problem was me and learning to let go and accept that I wasn’t in control of the situation.

The second part of the quote addresses acceptance that things can happen in a different order than I had in mind. Again, acceptance… that I don’t control the order in which things happen. I have to let go of my belief that I control everything. I didn’t realize what a burden it was thinking that I had to control everything around me. But the second part of the quote says I can accept that “things can happen in a different order that than you (me) have in mind.”  I feel free to accept that I am not the controller of the Universe. How freeing that is.

Are you as ready as I was to let go of controlling everything? Go ahead and read and reread this quote until it becomes a central part of your belief system. What have you go to lose, except the burden of control?

Gratitude List… 

  1. My ability to let go of control and accept calmly things I can’t control.
  2. My ability to center myself through deep breathing and meditation when I want to control. 
  3. My past experiences with Al-anon.
  4. My Higher Power, whom I call God for being in control instead of me.
  5. My willingness to research and learn new things about new people.

I hope you enjoyed tonight’s quote, gratitude list, and the video. BTW, sorry this is after midnight. One of the things I was not in control of was a storm we had which knocked out our electricity, thus the internet, for several hours tonight. That is why I chose “patience” as the topic tonight. Good night.

Until later,

Susan…